Tag Archives: humor

A beautiful woman tied me up this Christmas. (Pics.)

Isn’t this tie the greatest?  She sure can pick ’em!  I like to think of it as a bold, metallic blue.

Or maybe cerulean blue, like a gentle breeze.  (Actually, it isn’t, but I can’t resist an obscure “The X-Files” reference.)

And it has the truly unpredictable effect of enhancing my impression of Robert De Niro in “The Untouchables!”  (See the photos below; I am the one on the right.)

 

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Oh, Roanoke. *loose/lose

Yes, I do realize that only an approval-seeking pedant will broadcast the fact that he found an error in a newspaper headline.  At least I’ve got that self-awareness thing going for me.  And I make plenty of my own mistakes right here on this blog.  Somebody called me on the unforgivable *your/you’re confusion just last week.

Hey, I spent a couple of years on the other side of the desk where this kind of nitpicking is concerned.  When I was a reporter, there were people who positively loved to call us when they spotted a mistake.

If you’re ever inclined to do that yourself, then please bear two things in mind:

  1. You are almost never the first one to alert the paper’s staff that an error has slipped past them.  It’s usually spotted by someone either in the newsroom or in the advertising department, before anybody calls it in; and
  2. Mistakes in headlines are rarely made by the reporter who wrote the story.  They can usually be attributed to someone at the editorial level, who prepared the layout.  (The editors read the stories’ content, and then draft an appropriate headline according to the amount of space allowed by the layout.)

 

 

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To those rebutting my “Star Wars: The Last Jedi” review:

(Specifically my complaint that the near-godlike “Force” powers employed are neither supported by the script nor precedented in the prior films.)

The Force is the Force, of course of of course,
And no one can limit the Force, of course,
Unless, of course, they use the Force
As a shameless deus ex machina!!!

[sung to the tune of “Mister Ed”]

 

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Wacky Packages.

How’s this for “found art?”

I have friends who are incredibly sweet and generous, and yet who are also a little out there.

These adorned a Christmas package I received.  What we’ve got here is apparently a hatchet-wielding owl in the first drawing.  And he’s not an empty threat, either — note the owl skulls bottom left.

The second sketch depicts nothing less than a Christmas tree flasher.  (Note the consternation of the other trees.)

Tradition, ladies and gentlemen.

 

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From now on the official song of Alabama is …

“We Care a Lot.”

By Faith No Moore.

Nice going, folks.

 

Why do I have “clam shack” on my to-do list for today?

My handwriting sucks.

Update: “Alarm clock!!” I need to buy a new alarm clock!!!

Update 2: Although I probably should also get out to the coast to build and operate that clam shack I’ve always dreamed of.

 

 

 

 

The first rule of Wight Club is that you don’t talk about Wight Club.

Your second pun of the day.  Even if only GoT fans will get it.

 

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I got my mind on my Monet and my Monet on my mind.

I abhor the work of Claude Monet.  I do.  The fact that his paintings monopolized the covers of art textbooks is probably why I never took an art class in college.  (Mary Washington actually had a pretty popular art history course; my friends exhorted me to take it, but I never followed their advice.)

I don’t even much like the piece you see below.  I’m running this blog post simply because I’m proud of the pun in its headline.  Again — you people really should be paying me for these jokes.

Anyway, the title of Monet’s 1881 painting below is “Ship Aground.”

 

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Trump is exonerated.

Breaking news — it was all a misunderstanding. Trump actually WAS nominated to be Person of the Year.

But he was called by the herbal cooking journal — THYME Magazine.

[Update: the White House just issued a correction — it was actually a BDSM porn mag — Tie ‘Em In Magazine.]

 

 

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Oedipus didn’t have a girlfriend exactly …

… but he did have a significant mother.

(You people really should be paying me for writing these jokes.)