A very short review of “The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies” (2014)

I think that “The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies” (2014) is the best of Peter Jackson’s prequel trilogy, and not only because of its predictably terrific climactic battle.  I’d give this movie a 9 out of 10.

First, it’s less cartoonish and far more adult than its predecessors, in everything from its themes to its fight choreography.  (Compare the beautifully staged final melees here, for example, with that Warner Brothers-esque sequence in the second film, in which the dwarves dance across barrels and river rapids to repel their orc pursuers.)

It also seems like a better peek at a larger fantasy universe, with different races, armies and cultures working at cross purposes before needing to align, and with more than one protagonist’s real failings factoring in to that.

And … HOT DAMN!  That’s GOTTA be the greatest depiction of a dragon I’ve ever seen.  One small quibble I’ve had throughout all of Jackson’ Tolkien films was that the stories’ antagonists sometimes seemed too silly and clownish to be truly menacing.  (The orcs, trolls and goblins seemed cartoonish and are too easily defeated by beings sometimes half their height; only the Nazguls and the Uruk-Hai hybrids managed to impress.)  Jackson’s depiction of Smaug ravaging Laketown makes dragons look like Middle Earth’s equivalent of a goddam nuclear device.

[Edit: I just realized that in both this film and NBC’s “Hannibal,” the amazing Richard Armitage costars with a “Red Dragon.]

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“Annabel Lee,” by Edgar Allan Poe

Halloween season is almost upon us.  (I’m the kind of purist who thinks it begins on October 1.  My neighbors have shown surprising restraint; I’ve only seen one decorated house.)  And Halloween is the season for Edgar Allan Poe.

I’m running “Annabel Lee” today, however, because I was chatting with a Mary Washington College Alumna the other day who named her daughter “Annabelle.”  The conversation came up after my review of last year’s surprisingly good horror movie of the same name.  (My New Hall friend arrived at “Annabelle” after researching the name, but not after this poem.  That would be weird.)

“Annabel Lee,” by Edgar Allan Poe

It was many and many a year ago,
In a kingdom by the sea,
That a maiden there lived whom you may know
By the name of Annabel Lee;
And this maiden she lived with no other thought
Than to love and be loved by me.

I was a child and she was a child,
In this kingdom by the sea,
But we loved with a love that was more than love—
I and my Annabel Lee—
With a love that the wingèd seraphs of Heaven
Coveted her and me.

And this was the reason that, long ago,
In this kingdom by the sea,
A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling
My beautiful Annabel Lee;
So that her highborn kinsmen came
And bore her away from me,
To shut her up in a sepulchre
In this kingdom by the sea.

The angels, not half so happy in Heaven,
Went envying her and me—
Yes!—that was the reason (as all men know,
In this kingdom by the sea)
That the wind came out of the cloud by night,
Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.

But our love it was stronger by far than the love
Of those who were older than we—
Of many far wiser than we—
And neither the angels in Heaven above
Nor the demons down under the sea
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;

For the moon never beams, without bringing me dreams
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And the stars never rise, but I feel the bright eyes
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side
Of my darling—my darling—my life and my bride,
In her sepulchre there by the sea—
In her tomb by the sounding sea.

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Photo credit: By Edgar Allan Poe, “Annabel Lee”, 1849 fair copy. [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

This “flying-squirrel-man” video might be the most extraordinary footage I’ve ever seen.

Dear LORD.  Watch it.  For the full effect, click to enlarge and play it with the sound on.

I don’t know how to describe it, except that it follows a man who has donned a kind of flying squirrel suit that allows him to glide over half an everlovin’ MOUNTAIN RANGE before deploying a parachute.  It’s basically a big “F YOU” to the laws of physics and anything resembling a sense of self preservation.

It’s extraordinary:

I’m just slightly underwhelmed by “The X Files” reboot trailer.

It really just seems to show us everything we’ve seen before: ominous dialogue; dire, vague warnings from sources; and flashbacks to urgent looking 50’s-era soldiers and government workers.  All of those things taken together were sufficient to entertain for, oh, say … eight years or so.  But by the time we reached Season 9, the show really suffered from what seemed like endlessly recycled tropes and story arcs.

If the show does take new directions, as it needed to before it was cancelled, then it will need time to develop.  The January “miniseries” will only be six episodes to start with.  And I thought I read elsewhere that Chris Carter intends some of those to go to the popular “monster-of-the-week” eps that had nothing to do with the overarching mythology.

Nor do I think our main characters will be reunited with the Cigarette Smoking Man.  We do not see the face of (priceless) actor William B. Davis.  It’s only a hand, and it looks like a young man’s hand.  I’m betting we see him only in flashback.

See what you think from the trailer below.  (It’s in two parts.)

I know this is probably non sequitur, but if you love Davis’ work the way I do, then please check out his supporting role in the criminally underrated thriller, “The Tall Man” (2012).

CALL YOUR CONGRESSMEN TODAY TO SUPPORT MEDICAL CARE FOR 9/11 FIRST RESPONDERS.

Please call your representatives in Congress to support urgently needed medical care for 9/11 First Responders.  Congress will vote this week on whether or not to extend the James Zadroga Act, which supports potentially lifesaving care for police, fire & rescue, and recovery workers at the site of the World Trade Center attack.

It’s quick and easy.  Just dial the Capitol Switchboard (202) 224-3121, and they can connect you with your Representative and both of your Senators.

Or, you find the numbers for your Representative here:   http://www.house.gov/representatives/find/

and both of your Senators here:  http://www.senate.gov/general/contact_information/senators_cfm.cfm?OrderBy=state&Sort=ASC .

For more information on the efforts of First Responders to ask Congress to support this critically needed law, click here for a message from First Responder John Feal:

https://www.change.org/p/tell-congress-we-will-never-forget-9-11-first-responders-and-survivors/u/13446944

Again, I am especially hoping that my fellow New Yorkers will take the time to do this.  On September 11, 2001, these men and women were there for us.  Now it is our turn to be there for them.

It’s a bird! It’s a plane!! It’s SUPERMOON!! (And an eclipsed moon! And a “blood moon!”)

No wonder medieval people freaked out at lunar eclipses.  I suppose if you had no scientific knowledge to interpret such an event, and it occurred unexpectedly, it would be a little unsettling.

Frankly, I’m glad I could even see the supermoon eclipse, as I am notoriously poor at spotting all things heavenly.  Also, some of my Virginia friends were unable to see it, while others could.  There was a lot of cloud cover to pass over my little stretch of the Commonwealth’s rolling dark Autumn hills, but high winds let that darkening lunar eye peek cravenly and intermittently past it, down at me.  The “blood moon” effect was achieved, unless I’m seeing things — that red “haze” was visible at the eclipse’s height.

The photo you see below is not my own; I abruptly accosted a stranger on the Facebook wall of horror writer and editor Wednesday Lee Friday.  (Thank you for the shot, Kleopatra Daravingas!)  🙂

[UPDATE:  Dammit …. you know what would have been a more clever headline, even if only Stephen King fans would have gotten it?  “M-O-O-N — that spells ‘moon.'”]

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Don’t buy Target gift cards online …

… lest your experience parallel my own.

Here’s what might happen.

  1.  You buy an online “gift card” via Target.com to be sent via e-mail to its recipient.  (The recipient is then supposed to apply the balance to their Target.com account so that they can make purchases.)
  2. Your credit card will be charged promptly, but your intended recipient receives no e-mail from Target at all.
  3. You call to rectify the situation.  Target then sends the promised e-mail to the recipient with the virtual gift card.  But it is useless because it has been cancelled.
  4. You call to rectify the situation again, but the customer service rep informs you that Target’s computers are down.
  5. You call back the following day, hoping to get it all straightened out.  But Target’s solution is a slightly confusing process by which they send the gift card to you, then you resend it to the intended recipient.  It’s confusing because this e-mail from Target makes it look like they have sent a SECOND gift card to you to apologize for your trouble.  (No, that’s the gift card you mean to give to your friend.)
  6. Honestly?  Just buy a f&*$ing Amazon gift card, people.

A quick review of “The Visit” (2015)

I quite liked M. Night Shyamalan’s “The Visit” (2015); I’d give it an 8 out of 10.  It is by no means a perfect movie.  But it has all of the elements of Shyamalan’s work that I love: it’s beautifully shot; it has a fresh, creative story; it’s suspenseful; it’s atmospheric, and it has well drawn, likeable protagonists.

I am an unashamed Shyamalan fan.  I love all his horror-thriller movies, even the one or two in which I can guess Shyamalan’s trademark “twist” in advance.  Yes, I even liked “The Village” (2004).  And I liked “The Happening” (2006) a hell of lot too.

This movie indeed has said twist.  I thought I guessed what it was in the opening minutes.  I was wrong, and when the real twist was revealed, it was pretty damn effective.  For a moment, I was as dumbfounded as the characters on screen.  This was despite the fact that all the clues had been right there in front of me, and seem obvious in retrospect.

And it is scary in places.  A scene beneath the house comes first to mind.  So does the “oven” bit that we see in the trailer.  The cast is uniformly good.  The standout was a fantastic performance by Deanna Dunagan as “Nana.”

A couple of things nudged this movie just slightly left of the “great” category, into the “good but not great” category.  For one, I think this could have been a short film, and didn’t need more than 40 minutes or an hour to tell its story.  The pacing seems to suffer a little because of that.  For the first hour, we keep revisiting the same arc in tension: a grandparent behaves strangely, a grandchild queries them, and then the behavior subsides.

Character choices are also implausible.  These are bright, savvy kids, who are either oblivious to or cavalier about obvious signs of danger.  I think any person in real life would be too frightened to remain in the house where “The Visit” takes place.  Later, certain things change a little too conveniently after the twist is revealed.

The rapid change in tone after the story’s conclusion was a little heavy-handed.  I thought the story’s final minutes were nice, but maybe a little too much.  (I am being intentionally vague here to avoid spoilers.)

Still, I’d recommend this.  If you can overlook the movie’s faults here and there, you’ll enjoy a damn creepy modern fairytale.

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“Not universal love, But to be loved alone.”

The windiest militant trash
Important Persons shout
Is not so crude as our wish:
What mad Nijinsky wrote
About Diaghilev
Is true of the normal heart;
For the error bred in the bone
Of each woman and each man
Craves what it cannot have,
Not universal love
But to be loved alone.

— from W. H. Auden’s “September 1, 1939”

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An entirely fresh and original visual interpretation of “As I Walked Out One Evening.”

I am linking here to a video in the “I Didn’t Write This” series on Youtube.  I love it — director Yulin Kuang and the actors here create a visually rich, soft-spoken, and quietly contemplative treatment of of what might be W. H. Auden’s most famous poem, “As I Walked Out One Evening.”

The reader’s relaxed and conversational tone are a nice contrast to the piece’s dark imagery.

It’s beautiful work.

Nurse Your Favorite Heresies in Whispers