Tag Archives: humor

The dessert you’ve GoT to try tonight.

I’m calling it the Iron Throne.  (I’ve been scheming like Littlefinger to make it perfect.)

The base is a Brownie-Fudge Swirl Klondike Bar, the back consists of stacked Swiss Cake Rolls.  What you see seated there is an official “Game of Thrones” Oreo.  Scattered about its base are Espresso M&M’s, because you’re going to be up late chatting online about the episode.

I actually lined up a couple of yellow Peanut Butter M&M’s to symbolize the heads of Lannisters, but the picture didn’t turn out.  Because leave it the Lannisters to screw up a good thing.

WHO’S YOUR FAVORITE NERD, BABY?

If the undead attack while you’re enjoying this, tell them to CHECK THEIR WIGHT PRIVILEGE.

 

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People just say things differently in Virginia.

I stopped by the Arby’s in Vinton and ordered at the counter, and the girl asked me, “Is there a name for your order?”

Except I didn’t I didn’t understand what she meant, and I got flustered about being from out-of-town, so I stammered something along the lines of, “I dunno, let’s call it Ted,” and now the people at Arby’s think I’m some kind of maniac.

 

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Ducking any responsibility for good taste.

A pal of mine just complained on Facebook that autocorrect keeps censoring a certain curseword and changing it to “duck.”

I told him that autocorrect HAD to censor it — because its meaning is fowl.

DAMN, I’M GOOD.

 

 

My latest get-rich-quick scheme.

I’m selling miracle pills to Donald Trump supporters. (If you take one per day, they’re 100 percent guaranteed to prevent any cancers caused by windmill noise.)

I figure I can satisfy false advertising laws by stating right in the ad that these are placebos.  Nobody in my target demographic will know what that word means.

I can even say that they are derived from “snake oil.”  None of them are going to get that either.

 

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Good Knight, folks.

Now I can never stop thinking of the President as Donald Trump Quixote.

He literally thinks windmills are deadly enemies.

 

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In my day, THIS was our Captain Marvel.

She faced the worst monsters imaginable with no superpowers whatsoever — outside of earnestness, good old American pluck, and the uncanny ability to stop lambs from screaming. Pretty sure she’s like four feet tall, too.

AND WE WERE THANKFUL FOR WHAT WE HAD.

 

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Hey, Baby.

I really want to try that new viral trend in which people throw cheese onto babies’ heads.

But I don’t have any kids, so I’m headed to the mall with a package of Velveeta and looking for families there.

 

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The good news is — my 23andMe test results came back.

The bad news is — I’m one of those goddam heads from Easter Island.

#@%$.

This would at least explain my math skills.

 

 

Subtracting Google+

Quick site update — if you happen to enjoy this here bloggity-type thing, and you’re following me on Google+, then please be aware that Google is shutting down that platform on April 2.  If you’re not a WordPress subscriber (and therefore can’t follow me in its newsfeed), then you can always just bookmark my site.  Or you can sign up for e-mail notifications with the button bottom left under the menu bar at this site.

Or, if it’s easier to follow me on social media, then you can find me on FacebookTwitter, Pinterest and LinkedIn.

Finally, my author’s page at Amazon.com is right here, and I also participate in the Goodreads Authors Program here.

I’m not really clear about why Google selected April 2 as a termination date for its social media platform.  (The 1st falls on a Monday.)  It occurs to me now that if they’d chosen April 1, then at least some people would think it was an April Fool’s Day joke.  (People see hoaxes and conspiraciese everywhere these days.)  I myself am looking forward to Jordan Peele’s reboot of “The Twilight Zone,” and that’s scheduled to debut on April 1.  But that show sounds too good to be true, and  at least part of me is suspicious that it’s all an elaborate April fool’s joke.

 

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Today’s agenda — pet-sitting.

Today’s agenda — pet-sitting for my buddy Schrodinger while he’s out of town:

1) Let the dogs out;
2) Ascertain why the caged bird sings; and
3) Take special care of the little cat, but also kill it.

 

 

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Photo credit: Meathead Movers [CC BY-SA 2.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)%5D